I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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