She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need water and some morals
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
