We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize