Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
