I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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