Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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