He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
