eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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