As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
