my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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