At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
