I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
