So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
