Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
