I have demons in me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize