I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
