Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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