Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My pussy is not your playground.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize