There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
