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you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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