Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
