to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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