margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
