I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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