is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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