it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My ass is underappreciated
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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