about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
