he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
