He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
