in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they call him Oral-B. enough said
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
