He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
