finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
