Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
