Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
