I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
