1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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