Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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