He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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