suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
