I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
