it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
