I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
