Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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