Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
