just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
