I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
