we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
