I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
