I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize