sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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