I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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