i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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