Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
