We won't sleep together?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
