My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
