Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
