You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
