I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone signed my nipple.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
