yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
