Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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