ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
