You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
