Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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