im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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