You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
