why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
