I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
